It totally amazes me how you, my absolute best friend, are so close with EVERYONE. Every single person portrays a little bitty of your character and love. Because connections fascinate me, I feel an instant connection to those who love you. It’s like a mutual friend on Facebook. Except infinitely better. You mean they love the same person I’m in love with?! It just makes me respect any Christian so much more. But what’s funny is that I’m experiencing this overwhelming love for people that don’t love you. Because I’ve realized that you absolutely LOVE them and your heart is breaking for the girls on my AYSO soccer team… and even though all the world can see is negative people, you see these wonderful girls with little quirks that make you smile every day. I love you immensely, and when I realize that your love is like that… I can’t help but love other people. That’s the miracle of intimacy. Because following rules for someone you love does not feel like rigid rules. “No one can stop a lover.”
I need more faith for miracles and more boldness to share my heart for you. I don’t need to be afraid, and I can’t make excuses. But I know how far I’ve come. I look back to childhood and remember when I barely loved you. I barely knew much about anything… but I knew I loved you. I wondered how I could ever have that connection that grown-ups seem to have with you. And immature love is still love, weak love still blesses your heart. My love is still weak but I can’t help but see how far I’ve come and how you’ve changed me.
I really am just a skeleton without you. Wait, maybe not a skeleton. Just skin. It’s you that holds my frame together and upright, it’s you that keeps my heart beating and warm, it’s you that regulates my daily life. I try to ignore it and sometimes just get so overwhelmed with responsibility that I forget that I’ll deflate if I ever left your heart. But what makes me so happy is that I know you will never leave me… and I am certain that I have burned all my bridges. THERE IS NO TURNING BACK. I’m in love with you. I don’t think it will ever be in my nature to let my love run cold. God, I know there will be dry patches. But I want to try my hardest to love you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength… in order to never let that happen. Because me without you is just a hopeless heap of skin on the floor. The life would be gone. I would be shallow and empty. It’s in you I have depth. Only you.
Thank you.
