I close my eyes and visualize when I walked into the halls of Makua Lani, my old high school as a leader. The creaky floorboards, the purple lockers, the Tuesday lunch time meetings and Friday prayer times. Oh,I was fresh, I thought I knew what I was doing, and did not worry much about what had gone before me. However, God worked through me and showed me the true meaning of leadership: of servanthood, of vulnerability, of optimism and hope. However, it was in only coming here- a new school, a new country- that I had the space to stop and realize how much my pride had fed off my position.
We keep walking on this road of life and it’s incredible when you stop sometimes and notice a sign that reminds you so much of one that has gone before. It’s like what I’ve just been lesson-planning for tomorrow… God builds on us bit by bit, just like we start with the basics of a drawing. Then we get further down the road! And we see how God worked in us then for such a time as now. Life is full of parallels. It is my conviction that it is proof of a God so loving- that He cannot bear the thought of us being on our own. He prepares us, shows us the way, builds upon where we’ve come from. We were not made to live alone in the first place!
A few months ago I was asked to step in for a day for our assembly coordinator. I was just supposed to get up there on our Wednesday morning Altogether and introduce the speaker and such. Be the M.C. for that day, basically. I had just gone through a whole bunch of repentance stuff for what I had experienced in my position at my high school. I was comfortable being relatively “unknown” again, and to tell the truth, I was scared silly about being in the spotlight again. Not that being in front of a crowd makes me intensely nervous or anything. It’s just… well… I didn’t want to be putting my identity in everyone’s positive comments… again.
Steady, now. I brought it to God and He walked through the hallways of my own heart, opening doors I thought I had finished with for good. I said yes and continued on the journey God had set before me. That set the signposts up for now.
The position opened up for next year (and this term) to be Altogether coordinator. Find speakers, organize worship, integrate activities, build a team, that sort of stuff. I had a feeling I would be asked. Before my meeting with the previous coordinator or “Big Cheese” as she says :), I was chatting with God… one of those conversations where I’m trying to convince God of my inadequacy while trying to convince myself that I was willing even though my flesh didn’t want to do it… God shocked me and said, Just say yes. No deliberations on BE MY LIGHT or DON’T RUN or MY POTENTIAL IS GREAT… oh “just say yes”. And I have.
It’s all coming together. Those lessons I learned at Makua Lani of vulnerability and humility, as well as the things I didn’t do and realized later. Those lessons of practical organization and self-discipline, of loving people and listening to God. Those lessons matter now. Right now. “I have set you apart for such a time as this,” He said repeatedly that weekend before I started. My past journeys had purpose to inform my present one. And I look back and see God’s faithfulness and really cannot bear it. He is so good. And He loves me.
That will carry me through. Not people’s opinion of me nor my own opinion of myself. My identity is in my love for God. I love God, and He loves me, therefore I am successful, as Mike Bickle says. Oh, the simplicity of it all! It all works out for our good! I am a servant of God, too. And I’ll mess up and have so much to learn but this I know… I will grow, and I will not be alone. And God will use this lessons to carry me through to the end. I’m in love. The end.
