The rain softly falls. 

And somehow I take comfort in it, as if the natural world somehow feels my pain as well. 
Oh, my life is so good! It is so wonderful! I am so loved!
But oh, the pain, the pain, the pain. I avoided being alone, processing, because it hurt.
What hurts most is seeing the Facebook posts from students of my graduating class who are going home this month. 
Oh, I had the happy relief when they had to start university in August and I got to stay home and be free from schoolwork until February.
However, my pain now is not just that I am busy with homework.
The pain is simply that I am not going home like everyone else is. Different.

Now, counting the cost is more than just a Christian catch-phrase. 

It’s real life. For me, here in New Zealand. 

I didn’t fully get what I was doing when I left everything behind.

Oh, I could go back. I could I could I could. 

As the tears fall, it’s tempting.
But, through it all this life…

I wanna love Jesus. 

I want to follow Him, and go where He wants us to be together.
He knows best. Surely I must give it all for love.

That’s what He did, right?

Jesus, Jesus, my precious Jesus, my glorious reward. 
I love Him.

The rain on the window blurs my vision of the outside world. 
Yet He is still here. 
He will come like the sun.

Tell me of your steadfast love and faithfulness, remind me that joy will rise with the morning.