With each journey, reentering my Kona society is becoming easier and easier. I expect that my bed will feel a little softer, I anticipate the joy of having clean water, and I am aware of the glorious temperature change. I expect that I’ll miss Cambodia, I anticipate the feeling of displacement, and I am aware that upon returning “home” I’ll still be homesick.
With this season behind me, you could say that I have almost forgotten my trip amidst my flurry of life back at home. But it’s not that I forgot. I have had closure. No longer desperate to shout to the mountaintops of my experiences, but arms open wide to my future. My future, on the cusp of adulthood, the adventure of writing a book and going to teacher’s college. No longer desperate to go back to Cambodia, but instead quietly trusting in God, knowing that I will go back to live in the years to come.
And maybe it’s a self-preseveration thing as well? Not wanting to deal with the pain of separation so I just enjoy what I have in front of me. Though, it is also something else. The knowledge that even after two years, I still had been debriefing my first trip. So as I begin to encounter life and God and children and wealth, the experiences I’ve had in Cambodia will surface in my writing.
For Cambodia will always be in my heart. And this time, I’ve stepped back and watched the rest of my team find their voice for the poor. I’ve been able to listen my mom tell the stories of the village and the history and the light of Jesus. I’ve been able to watch my classmates get impacted and change right before my eyes, and it makes me so happy to see them share with others.
So even though my own life was changed in the past month, I am content to look to the future. It’s sparkling like morning stars on the horizon, and more journeys are in store. I have faith. I have hope. I have joy. So though my travels contribute to my worldwide homesickness, they also push me radically into hunger for God. This desire propels me forward into his heart. His heart is so deep and so lovely that his unseen beauty cannot match anything I’ve witnessed across the globe.
That revelation was worth returning for.