He just wanted to look after me, and more than that is God’s own mystery.
He said not to read/fill out my Jesus Bible study last night. It was approaching 11:30pm (uh-oh) after a long day, and I had to wake up for nannying today.
I protested– just because I didn’t get to bed earlier doesn’t mean I should forsake our study book!! But I did obey and open my Bible simply instead. I found this verse, and wrote it on my left hand:
“I the LORD speak the truth; I declare what is right.”
And over-tired me, thought “oh I’ve done my duty in obedience and now you want me to read my study”.
I liked the first questions… then reading the explanation… yet afterwards it was as if my ability to answer the next questions was just dead. Not open.
I say the prayer, and feel not to write anything more (though I managed to write at least a little notes above to make it look good) and fall promptly asleep.
Well, not really. I wriggled around and couldn’t rest, then I wake up at 12:20am when my iMessage goes off… go back to sleep… probably woke up again… then oh joy of joys (sarcasm) Skype is ringing in the darkness of my room on another device… 6:09am. Oh how I love my brothers and it does makes me so happy when they call me. Whether I’m in the position to answer is another story. And this was an hour before my alarm but late enough for me to be awake.
Then I remember what God said last night.
Not to read my study.
He was just trying to look after me, giving me the extra time to rest. And He was wanting to teach me something more than “Day 23”.
I hear the words of a friend during a prophecy time in 2007…
“Never, never be religious!! Be a child, God’s child!”
And I saw how that was what squelched me. Religiousity… committing to sacrifice rather than obedience, ignoring the Father-heart of God, forgetting that He has grace for me, not constant judgement.
I obeyed again this morning. Thank you God that I got to sleep again and woke up to my 7 o’clock alarm.
Jesus kept– wait, it was the Father. The Father kept showing me how He knows my heart… what color it is (isn’t that cool?!), and how the Holy Spirit opens it wholly open… and I was just siting there getting pretty distracted by my own thoughts of Kindle books and tiredness. Oh, mornings. I really do like them. Sometimes Friday mornings are a little slower.
Instead of continuing in another one of my studies, I obeyed to continue my reading out-loud of John. John 8. GOD… He is Jesus… and there He was, talking of the Father-Son relationship and how the truth will set us free. The truth… truly, truly I say to you… believe in me… the truth….
I looked at my hand from last night and there He was.
Nailing unbelief on the head.
“Believe me and live, my darling.”
What you say is true. And I get so caught up in judgement that I forgot you are genuine. I love you. Thank you so much.