Flicking through my journal pages, and Evernote entries, this quote from this morning won out. And it’s not mine. 



“I love you, Kayla. I love your humility that you say you love me but don’t quite know me! Of course you know me! Or else you would not love me. The trick is then, to know me more, then you will love me even more. It’s not the other way around.”

I have had this tendency to fall in love with Jesus, then suddenly realize I barely know Him. It’s the conundrum of being in love with an invisible being. Or just being in a relationship in general. Sometimes I think I have it all figured out and know it all in regards to loving Him. Then other times I remember how I have no idea and there’s still so much to know. Push and pull push and pull of knowledge and love. It’s because we can never stay where we are at. There is always more.
I’m a big emotions person, heart bleeding on my sleeve and gushing while watching Sleepless in Seattle and all that. Therefore the thought of loving someone extremely opposite from me, someone who “thinks” skillfully rather than “feels” beautifully? Well, in fact the unknown scares me in that aspect. What would that look like? 
I suppose it looks like my right now. Jesus knowing every intimate detail about me, yet does not use that to a selfish advantage. Instead, He uses His wisdom to love with more abandon and joy. Shouldn’t I do the same? I could run around feeling all the most powerful or sappy emotions in the world, but until I actually know which dishes go where I cannot empty the dishwasher. In doing so, that’s where I bless the person who the dishes belong to, bringing genuine love.
“It’s not the other way around.” You know how loving and knowing does get quite a bit muddled in its order. However, the Holy Spirit pointed out that when I know Him even more, I will love Him more. Then of course if I get to love Him more I will seek out reading my Bible more to know what He’s like and His character… and it goes on and on! That’s a relationship. Forever only scares you when you do not fully love. That’s what I’ve been learning today.
Yet what amazes me even more in that even in my newly-remembered immaturity in love, He still counts it as genuine. He still calls me beautiful, His lily among the thorns. COUNT THAT AMAZING, dears! Count that amazing. Wait, don’t mindlessly count verse numbers, though. Love, and receive and say thank you for His truth and then love. 

“As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women.” -Song of Songs 2:2 (ESV)

There in His heart, not in my journal entries, will you find the knowledge of the truth. This was just a doorway.