It’s only my fifth day nannying and I am getting into the swing of things, getting to know the little girl, and she’s getting to know me. What a joy.
What a joy to be loved for who you are.
What a joy to be smothered in kisses by a three-year-old who I just previously disciplined. Well, saying “no” and refusing to do what she wanted me to do is not exactly discipline, but for a girl who has barely heard “no” in her life, it’s a start. She has Down’s Syndrome so most would treat her gently, but she’s very joyful, comprehensive and at most, a year behind developmentally. Some people get scared by disabilities, I did, but when you see the joys and smiles? My heart wants to break for those who were lost to abortion because someone decided their quality of life wasn’t worth it. As in the words of many, who are YOU to decide?!
I’m just daily overwhelmed with thankfulness to God. He gave me this job and it’s just been a lesson in dependence. Though, I didn’t talk to him as much this morning (example: God what do I doooo right now) because I finally kinda knew what I was doing and then I was kept pretty busy. No long walks to campus (I think and pray on those) because He said to stay up here at home. God knows what he’s doing in the little things. It was a good time just getting to know her. But hey, I want to keep talking to God even when I do have a routine, even when things are familiar and it doesn’t seem like I need Him. Yes, I want Him. I want his advice. Like today, when I took her on her nap-walk in the stroller. . . should I head up the hill or down the hill? God said neither. And right when I had accepted that I didn’t need to know where to go yet, she fell asleep.
That’s following God in the small things, though it doesn’t result in salvations or multiple getting touched. He still cares for one child just as much. Therefore I’m learning a lot about His love. And how I need to be filled with it every day in order to love properly. I can easily be aloof and trudging through my nanny job with a dry sense of duty. Or I can have a vision of love for her. . . that she would learn to walk with strength, learn to jump, learn to sing “Jesus loves Me”, learn to take a nap by herself. Little steps each day, quite literally. I have to look at the big picture, it’s a whole life I’m investing into, not be blinded by the right-now. Because the only responses I get right now are in Korean from someone three feet tall. She still has immense value. A person’s a person, no matter how small.
That’s where I want to be.
In that place of understanding how much value God has for people
…how much love God has for one single life.