I know what you’re thinking.

Oh no, another Christian girl raving about singleness on Valentines Day. Great.

At least, that’s what I would think.

But you made it this far.

So, curious?

I was seventeen when being single on Valentine’s Day hit me hard. Up until then, I didn’t mind. I was practical about romantic relationships—I figured there wasn’t much point in high school. But in my senior year, two of my brothers got married within seven months of each other.

So that Valentine’s night I wondered what it would be like not to be the designated babysitter, or home alone thinking about my latest crush.

That’s how the last several Valentine’s Days have gone.

Don’t forget to add social media. I live in New Zealand, over the international dateline, so date-posts start a day early. Then, because of the beauty of algorithms, “romance” is all I see for three days straight.

(Don’t misunderstand me, you got to this post because of those same algorithms, so I thank them daily).

Yet any hope of being a Christian girl “content” on Valentine’s Day goes out the window every single year. I mean it. Every year.

Every year sermons say “Jesus is all you need” and I sing it heartily myself—then I’m still crying when my heart gets broken again. Every year I work through my issues, facing my lack of self-esteem—then I’m still scrolling, wondering if anyone didn’t get engaged recently.

Content in singleness, yeah right.

But is being content really the goal?

Giving thanks to God is a cornerstone of the Bible. I wouldn’t trade my Valentine nights with three cute boys (who I babysit) or the deep friendships I’ve made in these years. I’ve experienced Jesus healing my broken heart, and showing me His outrageous love over and over again.

But I think we’ve messed up our view of Jesus if we think He expects us to be “content in singleness” at all times.

He asks “What do you want me to do for you?” four times in the Gospels (Matthew 20:32, Mark 10:36 & 10:51, Luke 18:41). That isn’t a question directed to “content” people, but to desperate hearts.

Jesus goes further. “Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (John 16:24). Yes, He wasn’t talking about romantic relationships. But the principle is the same—being content isn’t our goal. Instead, the endgame is deeper relationship with our Father.

And what is a relationship without talking about what you want?

As John Eldredge writes in The Journey of Desire,

“What is it that you want? They fall on deaf ears if there is nothing you want, nothing you’re looking for, nothing you’re hungry enough to bang on a door over.”

People in healthy, honest relationships communicate their desires.

So maybe, like me, you need to take a break from scrolling date-pics for three days and actually take some time to have a straight-up conversation with Jesus.

Talk about what you want.

And listen.

You may be surprised at His answer.