Every time my roommate scribbles a note with “you will see His goodness in the land of living”… I melt. I cry. It means so much to me. It reminds me instantly of 2015 and the dozens of my dreams that came true, all in one year.
Yep, I’ll definitely see goodness in 2016, right?
Yet… there’s another whisper in my ear… and He’s firmer, calmer, kinder.
However, that conjures up a whole different set of memories. Painful ones. Not-so-fun ones. Not ones that are easy to mention in a blog post. And I’m shocked how one word that is often used interchangeably can bring such contrasting emotions. Goodness, faithfulness. What’s different?
Every time I hear faithfulness sung… I melt. I cry. It’s so hard to hear. It reminds me instantly of 2015 and the hopes that were shattered, the heart that was wholly disappointed, the dreams that didn’t come true, all in one year.
Sure, I moved to Australia like I wanted for so long, joined missions and did my DTS, travelled to Europe for the first time, even made it to Paris for a day. Yet all of that came with its own set of heartbreak that I couldn’t see beforehand. With it? The searing, gnawing question:
Oh yes, I can confidently say He’s been good. However, “goodness”, from my one perception of the English language, can be more a one-off thing. A stranger can be good to me, just passing on the street. I can stop and get to know them as a result of that kindness, but nevertheless– a stranger cannot be faithful to me. That takes time. That takes promises made. That takes keeping your word.
Part of what made last year so difficult is that there were promises I didn’t see fulfilled. I didn’t get the job I expected to right out of university, I didn’t even stay in the same country I thought I would, and so many relationships I thought would deepen just… couldn’t.
Has Jesus really been faithful to me?
Well, when you’re reading a novel, you need to finish the last page before you find out if a character has been faithful– loyal, steadfast– or not.
Now? There’s another whisper in my ear… and He’s firmer, calmer, kinder than ever before. Has Jesus really been faithful to me? I know I can say “yes” to all my desires He fulfilled last year, but what about all my disappointments? I listen to the whisper:
So, here’s to another chapter of not only goodness, but faithfulness.
Photo: Anna Bay, NSW, Australia; December 2015– one of the many dreams fulfilled in 2015.
I have struggled with the same thing over the years! I actually really want to do it all (God's will..)….missions, home school like I feel called to do, be a good wife – friend – sister, write songs and make an album one day, write and help others, start an orphanage…but God knows we can not do it all at once and do it alone. He has shown me to focus on the step in front me and then the next etc. Sometimes our brains are so busy in the future that we miss out on what He is doing right here and now! I am glad you shared this, and yes He is good and faithful regardless of how we may perceive things. It is so cool you are a YWAMER.My BFF met her husband there and I also have close friends at church that are thinking about going back. I pray God continues to lead you – just remember even those things you may think are small, are not when God is in the midst. – http://www.cookwipesweep.com
You're so right – and we need to remember that fact at every age and stage (believe me when I say that, smart cookie that I think I am at times HA!) – I'm 63 and not holding and need to believe just as hard as you at (what age is that?) that God is not finished – and we don't know when He will be so that is a HUGE helping of hope we can rest in even when sorely disappointed and feeling cheated and wondering what next, dear Lover of my soul?!
My favorite/helpful scripture in my twenties (w/ Wycliffe Bible Translators in Brazil and CA and PNG) (and single til 35) was: Psalm 73:25-28 and Psalm 62:5
Let's be friends. I like cheeky.
Hi Meg! Thank you so much for your comment and encouragement! I definitely feel that often, the wanting to do it all (even down to writing songs, etc!) and it was a timely reminder to focus on what's in front of me. That's so cool you know about YWAM! I grew up as a YWAM Kid so it's a bit difficult to explain my childhood without some sort of context. Definitely have kept remembering the small things this week– and want to keep looking 🙂
Thank you so much, Sue! Definitely teared up a few times reading your encouragement– I loved your blog post and had a fun time traipsing around your site. I'm 22 as of October (and danced to Taylor Swift's song with a bunch of friends in Amsterdam!). I also love how no matter the age God still teaches and I definitely love hearing from those who have walked similar paths before. Such good verses, hope has been a big word for me over the past year. And yes, let's– cheeky is perfect. 🙂